I need help with this introduction paragraph based on "The Scarlet Ibis." What are ways that I can improve it?What is the joy of having a...

Is this an introduction to an essay? If so, would you be
able to post the question? Anyway, just some general tips on essay
writing:

1. You need a thesis. A thesis is your
understanding of the question and what you believe to be the answer based on information
within your source/text. Eg. Simply put, for the question 'How does Richard's character
make an impact on the audience?' you may choose to say 'Through the characterisation of
Richard as a selfish and proud boy, The Scarlet Ibis highlights the importance of
gratitude and love within a family,' as a simple example. This makes up the first part
of the introduction to your essay. What point are you trying to make and what is the
purpose of your essay? More importantly, how are you going to answer your
question?

2. Briefly introduce the themes, values and ideas
that you wish to discuss in your essay. Basically sum up the points you will be
making.

3. Once you have done this, follow this simple
essay structure to explain the points you made in your intro: Point- what do you wish to
say in this paragraph, or 'the moral of the story', Evidence- include a quote which
highlights your point. (make sure you reference the technique present in this quote and
explain its effect), Explain- Explain how this effect and quote shows your point and
relate back to question always make sure that you sum it up to relate it back to your
question. (Are you answering the question?).(PEER)